October 10th

October 10th is just an ordinary day for most people. It is also World Mental Health Day which is so extremely important, especially for people with chronic illnesses. Plus, I’m sure October 10th is an important anniversary or a birthday for hundreds of thousands of people.

For me, October 10th is officially my “Bad Luck Day”. I wasn’t sure if I would post about this bad luck (in fear of some sort of negative mojo) but it’s too late for that now! So, here goes nothing.

One year ago today, I was in the ER with my first symptoms of MS. A year earlier, I was also at the ER on this day, many hundreds of miles away, because my university health center thought my nasty stomach bug was appendicitis. That was fun.

I really thought I was going to get away with a successful October 10th this year. Despite my superstitions, I was like “it’s just a day…chill out girl”. I went to work as normal and was doing just fine. Then, out of nowhere, my vision went haywire on me.

I was sitting at my desk, looking at an email, and I couldn’t focus on the words. I figured I’d been staring at my screen for too long so I walked away and went to my coworkers office to go over a few things. She handed me a paper and I couldn’t see the first letter of any of the words. It was this blurry spot in the peripheral of my left eye. I had never experienced only a portion of my vision going, and especially not this “blindspot”. As soon as I could get out of that office, I did. I called my mom in a panic, she picked me up, and I called my doctors.

First of all, I hate rushing out of work. I hate not being at work and doing my job, it’s the worst. So, I was immediately annoyed. I also hate being 23 and calling my mom all the time, but I do it. I was freaking out big time. This was strange and sudden and it was….October 10th.

I’m still not sure what happened. The neurologist alluded to a pseudo-flare since I have a sinus infection as well. The nuero ophthalmologist hasn’t responded to me yet. I got a bunch of blood work done. So, who knows?

All I know is that today is October 10th, officially my “Bad Luck Day”. From this point on, I am always taking October 10th off as a mental health day. It’s very appropriate considering that it is World Mental Health Day, plus I need to avoid any casualties on this day every year.

So, happy October 10th! I hope it was a wonderful day for many of you. Despite the bad, each October 10th has reminded me how many people I have in my life who support me and will drop everything for me. MS is unpredictable. I’ve made a lot of progress in this last year accepting that, but I have a long way to go.

Allergies, sinus infection, or optic neuritis?

Warning: This post will not answer the above question. If it did, my life would be so much easier. Welcome to MS.

I’m one of those MSers who suffers from optic neuritis. Shocker. The science tells us that 15 – 20% of people with MS experience optic neuritis as their first symptom. I’m one of those. Blurry vision, eye pain with movement, pressure behind the eye, sensitivity to light, etc. So when I feel any pain around my eyes I freak.

This week’s dilemma has been just that; pain with eye movement from sinus pressure…I think. My previous bouts of optic neuritis have all been “sinus pain” when they started. It’s hard to tell the difference. So I roll my eyes periodically to test for pain, cover one eye to make sure I can see out of the other clearly, think about it constantly. It’s not fun.

I have told my neurologist that the last two times I had optic neuritis it felt just like a sinus infection until the eye pain and blurriness progressed. I’ve been told that there may be a correlation, but they don’t know what it is. If you Google it (the worst thing to do about these things, but what I spend a whole lot of time doing), many studies have been done to link MS with sinus infections. Still, no conclusive answers. Are we surprised? MS be like…

Maybe it’s just allergies (mine are so bad all the time it’s just like a part of my life now), maybe it’s a sinus infection, maybe it’s optic neuritis. I have no idea at this point. I keep telling myself “there’s nothing you can do to change the outcome at this point”, but I’m still wishing on every eyelash that it isn’t optic neuritis. Or a sinus infection that leads to optic neuritis. Or literally anything that a normal 23 year old wouldn’t get. Is that too much to ask?

I’ve found that this first year with MS is a whole lot of guessing. Is that tingle in my foot because I’ve been sitting for 12 hours or is it MS? Am I dizzy because I’ve had three cups of coffee and I’m still dehydrated from being wine drunk last night or is it MS? Maybe the next 10 or 20 years will be that way too, I don’t know. For now, back to worrying and rolling my eyes constantly….for medical reasons of course 😉