Stay Away From My Cube

I would love to put a sign on the outside of my cubicle that reads “Compromised immune system. Do not enter if you are ill”, but that is not acceptable in the workplace. I also keep my MS to myself and, even if people did know, they probably wouldn’t know how my immune system reacts to germs. And if they did, they may not care. 

I keep forgetting that, once upon a time, I wasn’t super conscious about how my germs affected the people around me. I covered my mouth when I coughed and sneezed, washed my hands constantly, etc., but I didn’t think “oh maybe I should keep my distance”. You don’t go through life assuming everyone around you has a compromised immune system. But now, I do! 

People keep coming into my cubicle coughing, sniffling, complaining of a head cold they’ve had for three weeks. I am so scared of getting sick, because that could mean another relapse or it could mean that I won’t be able to get my scheduled infusion. But I can’t work in a bubble. I’m not allowed to work from home. And I can’t have a sign outside my cubicle that says “DO NOT ENTER”.

So happy cold and flu season everyone! We just have to do our best.

Please don’t get me sick!

Why I’m Terrified of Getting Sick

October is a tough month for me. The past two Octobers have involved emergency room visits, the last one resulting in my MS diagnosis. I’m not sure if it’s the germs floating around, the change in the weather, or simply bad luck, but I guess October is not my month. This really sucks for me because a) I love fall b) I am obsessed with Halloween and c) I have a November birthday.

So I am really afraid of getting sick. On top of all the normal reasons and the addition of having MS, I just really want to enjoy October. I’ll probably end up sick because I wrote this (see how anxious I am? HA). My entire office is sick, battling colds and fevers and everything else that their kids are bringing home from daycare. If I could hold my breath all day, I probably would. I use more hand sanitizer than is recommended. I’m eating clementines for that Vitamin C. And I am terrified.

I’m definitely more anxious about getting sick just based on my track record. I almost expect something terrible to happen this month. Maybe a cold that knocks me out for a week, or a fever that leads to a relapse that leads to legit brain damage (this sounds like exaggerating so the fact that it isn’t is so not comforting). There is so much to worry and stress about and lose sleep over. But losing sleep makes ya sick.

A lot of things are scarier when you have MS. Anytime I feel a pain behind my eye, even if it’s just from sinus pressure, I freak and do my own optic neuritis test. I role my eyes and look up down and sideways to make sure there’s no pain. I will close one eye and make sure I can still see clearly, then do the same with the other eye. Sometimes I will even press on my eyelid to see if there’s pain. I’m so lucky I have a cubicle at work, otherwise my coworkers would think I was insane.

I think a lot of us with MS get especially anxious as people start sniffling and coughing. Can you blame us? So, yeah, I probably take my temperature more than the average person and wash my hands more and think about germs more. But it’s just the cost of doing business with the multiple sclerosis monster.

Happy October!