Moving Home

Nobody knows that I moved home and left my first real job in Boston because I was diagnosed with MS. Okay, some people have a clue and others probably assume it. I tell most people, especially coworkers, that I didn’t see a future at my last job, that I was over the city life, and that I missed the quaintness of my Connecticut hometown. It’s true. My boyfriend conveniently moved back to Connecticut a few months before I did too, so that was an added bonus. 

Deep down, I know I did it because of my anxiety. Because I had MS in a city where nobody knew that I had MS and nobody would be there to pick me up if I (literally) fell. I established a relationship with a doctor in Boston and I told my boss (because I had missed so much work I felt like I had to), but my anxiety was through the roof. One time, my mom asked what I would do if I suddenly couldn’t move at work. Now, I don’t know if this could even happen, but it scared the shit out of me. What WOULD I do? How would I get home? Who would help me? My family was hours away. My boyfriend was even further away. My friends didn’t know about my diagnosis, and I planned to keep it that way for the time being. 

A lot of this led to a decision to move home. Many panic attacks and lonely nights being left with just my thoughts led me to move to a place where I loved my doctors and loved the people around me. It’s so cheesy, but I really do believe in the power of your support system. Plus, my new job is way better than my last one and I hated my roommate in Boston and I didn’t have a ton of friends so…it’s ok! It doesn’t really matter what made me move back home, and in reality it wasn’t just one thing that led to my move. MS has taught me that it isn’t worth it to be miserable in this life. You have to do what makes you happy, no matter what other people may or may not think. 

Is there anything that MS has pushed you to change about your life? Have you made a decision that you may not have made if you didn’t have MS?

Ready for a glass of wine with a dash of “I have MS”? You’ve come to the right place.

I was 23 when I was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I had just graduated from college, moved to a new city, and started my first “real” job. I was trying to adult; pay rent on a nonprofit salary, make dinner for myself (usually veggie burgers or arugula with chicken tenders), and navigate the working life. My boyfriend of 4 years was finishing up his degree over 800 miles away. It was a confusing and stressful, yet joyful, time. I had always dreamed of this and, despite the difficulty of navigating the real world, I was so very optimistic. Then my eye started hurting, I could barely see, and I went to an urgent care center. I could have never predicted the journey I would end up on.

I have kept most of this to myself for the past year. I am approaching the one year anniversary of the first symptoms, of the “point of no return”. The scariest period of my life. During this time last year, I was scouring the internet looking for a blog like this. A place that wasn’t intended to terrify me into a deep depression but was real enough to help me understand my diagnosis. It didn’t exist.

I hope to shed some light on the good and the bad of being young and newly diagnosed with MS. It’s not always fun but it’s not always depressing either.